What I’ve Learned About Grief After Losing My Mom.
I’ve learned a lot about grief these last few months. Last August my beautiful mom unexpectedly went to be with Jesus. This was something that I didn’t think I was prepared for… something that I had feared for a long time. When I would think about losing a parent my mind would often ruminate, wondering if I had what it would take to get through such a difficult time. I would ask those irrational “what if” questions. “What if I am not strong enough?” or “What if this is the thing that undoes me?” Well… SPOILER ALERT… I survived. Not only did I survive, but as strange as it might sound, I think I actually thrived. And… so can you!
Now before I go any further, I want to recognize that grief is a very natural response to loss and it comes in all shapes and sizes. People experience a variety of difficult and unexpected emotions like, shock, anger, disbelief, guilt, and sadness. Grief can also disrupt physical health. It might make it difficult to eat or sleep. It can even cloud your thinking. Some take it hard and some move through it a little easier. These are normal responses when we lose someone we love, and the greater the loss, the more intense your grief might be.
When I lost my mom I didn’t know what to expect, but looking back several months later there are things that have helped me as I navigated through the grief.
The first thing that helped me was my previous experience with depression and anxiety. You might think I am crazy, but it’s true. Your past pain has a way of making you presently stronger. When you learn to allow difficult experiences to make you stronger, they prepare you for when something happens again. Difficult times can build resilience.
The second thing that aided me was loving my mom well. My mom was easy to love, and when she passed away there was nothing that I wished I had done differently. Your mom might be more difficult to love, but you can’t control that. What you can control is how well you love her. Jesus was the perfect example of this. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8 ESV). Jesus didn’t wait until we had it together to love us. He didn’t wait for us to love Him first. He loved us when we were at our worst. When we learn to love our moms this way it will help us through our grief. We will be able to sleep at night knowing that, even if we didn’t receive the love we desired, we loved the best that we could.
The third thing that provided me great comfort was staying close to Jesus. At some point each one of us has to decide that we either trust Jesus or we don’t. We won’t always understand or like what He does, but there is no middle ground when it comes to trust. It’s a yes or no question. I had decided that I was going to take Jesus at His word and trust Him. When we make this choice it frees us up to allow Jesus to take our hand and walk us through our grief. We don’t pull away, we embrace His nearness and allow it to provide for us a peace that surpasses all understanding. We experience joy in the midst of grief.
As we near mother’s day, I hope that each one of you who still has a mother in your life will love her well. You never know when God will take her home, but you can be better prepared to walk through the grief when it comes. God showed His faithfulness to me and I am certain He will do the same to all who trust in Him.
“I love you and miss you mom! I am so thankful for the time that God gave me with you on this earth and rejoice that someday we will watch hummingbirds fly together again.”